Okay, so I’m the first to admit that I didn’t think we needed another reality show.
I mean, we have Top Shot, Pawn Stars, Gold Rush Alaska, Auction Hunters,Real Housewives of Pick a City and at least 14 shows featuring people chasing down alligators in the swamp. Enough be enough, all right? I usually maintain an air of sophisticated ennui when faced with any of them, tisk tisking and all, because oh, can you believe the display people make of themselves? Give me the remote, please dear.
So imagine the plate full of crow I’m working on now, to find myself totally hooked on History Channel’s Full Metal Jousting.
In my defense, it features horses, which I’ve yet to see on any episode of Swamp Rush Auction Houswives. Big, sexy horses with feet like platters, and enough mane and tail that I pity their grooms. Been there, done that, got the calluses.
The show features a cast of 16 horsemen from various disciplines, competing in an elimination tournament for a pretty nice chunk of change.
And it better be a large chunk of change, considering these guys are wearing full metal armor (hence the title!) which weighs upwards of 80 lbs. This is kind of what it feels like. Just to wear it.
All of these guys have some sort of equestrian experience, and I give kudos to the History Channel for the breadth of talent they came up with. They have everything from a polo player to a steer wrestler to a show jumper, so it’s impossible to pick someone who has an advantage in the horse area.
Now, me picking any sports team, individual competitor, or lottery numbers is the kiss of death for winning, so I hesitate to curse any of these guys with my favoritism.
But, for the red team, a couple of picks come to mind:
James is a professional show jumper, who has ridden at the Olympic level, and that for sure ain’t nuthin. If the horses they are using for the jousts have a modicum of training, James ought to be able to thread a needle with the animal without batting an eye, saying “look ma, no hands!” the whole way. One of the smaller competitors, he apparently has an iron clad seat and can hit like a Mack truck.
And he looks a bit like Hugh Dancy, which is always a nice thing.
My other current red team favorite is Josh Avery.
Josh is a professional theatrical jouster (who knew that was a real job?!) He won one of the best matches of the FMJ (that’s what we hard-core fans call it) season to date by just a few points. A double unhorsing! Dude, that was nailbiting! Whew!
And for my writer peeps: Anyone but me feel like casting him as the hero in a steamy medieval romance? No? That’s just me? Cool! (Tucks that away in her special happy place)
This show is one of my weekly highlights. There haven’t been many shows I will actually recall the time they air and actively wrestle the remote from my hubster to watch.
I can vouch for the fact that falling off a horse is not fun. Falling off a galloping horse wearing that 80 lbs after being hit in the chest with a baseball bat seems as if it would even be less fun.
I wouldn’t do it.
Oh, hell, who am I kidding?! Is there a geriatric version? Sign me up.
Next week I’ll be back with a few picks for the black team, and a little 411 on the sport.
Have any of you seen Full Metal Jousting? Do you have a fave? Tune in with me this Sunday at 9 central and…