Full Metal Jousting

Okay, so I’m the first to admit that I didn’t think we needed another reality show.

I mean, we have Top Shot, Pawn Stars, Gold Rush Alaska, Auction Hunters,Real Housewives of Pick a City and at least 14 shows featuring people chasing down alligators in the swamp.  Enough be enough, all right?  I usually maintain an air of sophisticated ennui when faced with any of them, tisk tisking and all, because oh, can you believe the display people make of themselves?  Give me the remote, please dear.

So imagine the plate full of crow I’m working on now, to find myself totally hooked on History Channel’s Full Metal Jousting.

In my defense, it features horses, which I’ve yet to see on any episode of Swamp Rush Auction Houswives.  Big, sexy horses with feet like platters, and enough mane and tail that I pity their grooms. Been there, done that, got the calluses.


The show features a cast of 16 horsemen from various disciplines, competing in an elimination tournament for a pretty nice chunk of change.

And it better be a large chunk of change, considering these guys are wearing full metal armor (hence the title!) which weighs upwards of 80 lbs.  This is kind of what it feels like.  Just to wear it.

All of these guys have some sort of equestrian experience, and I give kudos to the History Channel for the breadth of talent they came up with. They have everything from a polo player to a steer wrestler to a show jumper, so it’s impossible to pick someone who has an advantage in the horse area.

Now, me picking any sports team, individual competitor, or lottery numbers is the kiss of death for winning, so I hesitate to curse any of these guys with my favoritism.

But, for the red team, a couple of picks come to mind:

James Fairclough. 

James is a professional show jumper, who has ridden at the Olympic level, and that for sure ain’t nuthin.  If the horses they are using for the jousts have a modicum of training, James ought to be able to thread a needle with the animal without batting an eye, saying “look ma, no hands!” the whole way. One of the smaller competitors, he apparently has an iron clad seat and can hit like a Mack truck.

And he looks a bit like Hugh Dancy, which is always a nice thing.











My other current red team favorite is Josh Avery.

Josh is a professional theatrical jouster (who knew that was a real job?!)  He won one of the best matches of the FMJ (that’s what we hard-core fans call it) season to date by just a few points.  A double unhorsing! Dude, that was nailbiting!  Whew!

And for my writer peeps:  Anyone but me feel like casting him as the hero in a steamy medieval romance?  No? That’s just me?  Cool!  (Tucks that away in her special happy place)


This show is one of my weekly highlights.  There haven’t been many shows I will actually recall the time they air and actively wrestle the remote from my hubster to watch.

I can vouch for the fact that falling off a horse is not fun.  Falling off a galloping horse wearing that 80 lbs after being hit in the chest with a baseball bat seems as if it would even be less fun.

I wouldn’t do it.

Oh, hell, who am I kidding?!  Is there a geriatric version?  Sign me up.

Next week I’ll be back with a few picks for the black team, and a little 411 on the sport.

Have any of you seen Full Metal Jousting?  Do you have a fave?  Tune in with me this Sunday at 9 central and…

Charge on!


12 thoughts on “Full Metal Jousting

  1. Nancy J Nicholson says:

    No TV here, but you make it sound fun to watch.

  2. Callene Rapp says:

    Thanks, Nancy! It is totally my new guilty pleasure. I don’t watch a lot of tv, but I’m hooked on this one. I’ll keep you posted on things!

  3. I need to watch this! I was trying to watch ‘Knights of Mayhem’, but they were too whiney. This, though sounds like fun.

    • Callene Rapp says:

      I couldn’t get into ‘Mayhem’ either. Too much drama. Although I did watch it for the brief glimpses of actual jousting. FMJ gives you all of the sport with none of the whining. They treat the horses like gold, and actually take it serously.

      It’s on tonight at 9 central, T! Watch it and give me a shout!

  4. You sound totally hooked, Callene. I’m going to see if we get it!

    • Callene Rapp says:

      ‘Fraid I am, Patricia! If you can’t get it, full episodes are available on line at the History Channel website!

      Let me know if you watch! I want to make a little groupie group to have fun with!

  5. Okay, so I checked it out and um, there was a lot of injuries to the, um, private regions. Is this usual? I mean, three of them got hurt there. Or was it two? I forget.

    I don’t know if I’m hooked yet, but that pretty boy who won for the red team gets my vote. 😉

    • Callene Rapp says:

      No, it’s quite unusual, in fact I’m working up a blog post on the “testicle episode” for Sunday! They did send James to the hospital a couple of weeks ago with a concussion and stitches, but that was it so far. I really felt sorry for the guy that caused the injuries, ya know? Bad mojo!

  6. Piper Bayard says:

    Wow! This makes me want to get cable. I would definitely do this, or at least watch it. Thanks for telling me about this, Callene. 🙂

  7. Callene Rapp says:

    Thanks for stopping by, Piper! You can also watch episodes on the History channel’s site.

    Charge on!

  8. […] love this blog from Callene Rapp. Full Metal Jousting. Sign me up! To watch, anyway. It’s on the History […]

  9. OMG this sounds FAHHHBULOUS…definitely going to check it out. Thanks Callene!!

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